Leave me Alone.

So I was at a baby shower this weekend. Wait let me rephrase that. I was at a party that nearly ripped my soul out and caused me to have a panic attack. Alright, it didn't rip my soul out but the panic attack part is true. The baby shower was actually my brother in law's, they're having a baby girl. I wish I could jump for joy that Camille will soon have a cousin on their side, I can't. It's too soon. Too soon for what you ask? You nosy little fuckers. just kidding. I lost my son in December 2014 and that was by far the worst thing that has ever happened to me. He was only five months old. I have a thing for repeating myself so let me say it again. My son, Noah, was only five months old. He didn't recover well from heart surgery and things just spiraled downhill. I remember hearing about babies passing away on the news and I would just think. "No... that can't happen to me. That's rare." But sadly, life slapped me with a cold hearted reality that my son is gone. And because of that babies, pregnant people, mom's, basically everything that falls into the category of "baby" scares me. I avoid it at all costs.

You should actually watch me at Target. Seriously. I avoid all baby aisles. Sounds crazy huh? I will immediately avoid passing that particular aisle even if it means walking around the whole damn store. I would even walk sideways, like a crab, with my back turned to the aisle to avoid it. I clench my fists every time I see a pregnant woman near me. I feel my heart drop every time I see a baby and I grind my teeth hoping I can hold back the tears. My husband is stationed in Washington and couldn't make it out to the baby shower so I had to represent for our family. I knew I wasn't ready to be around things "baby related" but I forced myself to go.

I was talking to my husband's god brother about babies and I couldn't take it anymore. I remember saying "OMG. I just can't." Tears started pouring down my face and I tried to not make a scene. My head was down and I tried to control my tears but I couldn't. I like the fact that he just walked over to me and said "I'm sorry, I didn't realized...." and then sat back down. I'm not being sarcastic. I just want to stop crying and deal with this on my own. There's nothing anyone can say or do to make me stop crying.

I was crying for maybe 30 minutes and then I finally went outside to get some air. I opened up to my brother in law. I told him I was happy for him and Lizzie but all these baby type things just reminds me how I don't have my son. It's not fair. I just want my son. I spoke with a counselor a few months ago. She said it's normal to feel this way and it's okay for me to grieve the way I do. Almost everyone is accommodating. I just need time.

Note to everyone: If you see my crying leave me alone. That's all I want. I want to stop crying on my own. I do not want to be crowded. I do not want you to ask everyone around me what happened. I do not want you to call people over to me so that they also know that I'm crying and will bombard me with questions. I do not want you to  touch me. I do not need your voice to get louder and ask everyone AGAIN what happened with me. FYI: They don't know what happened to me and the fact that you are getting louder and asking more people only upsets me and makes me cry more. "Please stop. Just stop." I said it twice but maybe no one heard me. I stuttered it in between breaths. Don't call people over to drive me home when I can drive.

Filipino Inspired Embutido: Beef Meatloaf

Usually, embutido is made with ground pork. I didn't have pork on hand, so I used some good ole' grass fed ground beef. I winged this recipe.

Ingredients:

• 1 lb ground beef (get the leanest possible)
• 2 cups of baby carrots
• 2 cups of baby spinach
• 1 green bell pepper
• 1 medium white onion
• 3 XL eggs
• 6 slices of bacon
• Tony Chachere's Original Creole Seasoning

 Preparation

• Preheat oven to 350 degrees
• In a small pot, hard boil 2 eggs (on medium heat, cook until 12 minutes after it starts boiling)
• In your food processor, blend all of your veggies
• Season your ground beef with Tony Chachere's Original Creole Seasoning, to taste
• Mix veggies and beef by hand, add the 3rd egg and mix well
• Pan fry your bacon until crispy, set aside and drain excess grease, dice and mix into veggie/meat mix
• Peel and quarter your hard boiled eggs
• Set out 3 sheets of foil
• Separate veggie/meat mix to make 3 loaves and add 2-3 slices of the hard boiled eggs
• Grab some meat and surround the hard boiled eggs
• Form your loaf into the shape of a cylinder and wrap foil to maintain its shape, twist ends to lock in place
• Repeat for the rest of the loaves
• On a baking sheet, line it with foil and evenly place the loaves
• Bake for 45 minutes
• Let cool
• While it is cooling, cook a couple eggs over easy
• Slice loaves into 1" slices
• Take several slices, place the egg on top and enjoy!

Paleo Pot's Spaghetti Squash Curry

So, I'm back on my curry cravings... My brother tagged me on FaceBook to Paleo Pot's Spaghetti Squash Curry. Now, I'm TOTALLY for crock pot meals, especially with very little prep time. By the time I saw the recipe, I was already home and getting ready to go WOD. After my work out, I headed over to Sprouts and picked up 2 spaghetti squashes (they're kind of small, lol) and the rest of the ingredients.

My brother and I saw the recipe and thought, "where's the protein?" So he told me to get some chicken. Here's my variation:

Ingredients

• 1.5 lb chicken thighs
• Salt, pepper, basil - to taste
• 1 x 14 oz can of Thai Kitchen Coconut Milk
• 1/4 cup of water (if using full fat coconut milk as suggested by Paleo Pot)
• 2 tablespoons of Thai Kitchen Red Curry Paste
• 6 garlic cloves, minced
• 2 small spaghetti squash

Preparation

Spaghetti Squash

• Preheat oven to 400 degrees
• Cut spaghetti squash in half, lengthwise - scoop out guts
• Line a baking try with foil, add 1/4 cup of water, spray spaghetti squash with coconut oil 
• Bake spaghetti squash for 40 minutes

Chicken

• While that's baking, rinse and trim fat of chicken thighs -- then cube them
• Season cubed chicken to taste
• Add some coconut oil, pan fry that poultry

Sauce

• While that's going, your sauce... Shake the coconut milk can really well
• Open that bad boy and pour into bowl, add water if using full fat, add your paste ... mix dat
• Once the paste, water and coconut milk are mixed well, add your minced garlic

Finale

• When the squash is done baking, let cool for about 15 minutes and scrape out the "noodles"
• While the squash is cooling, add sauce to chicken, stir and let simmer for 15-20 minutes
• Mix in spaghetti squash in the chicken and sauce
• BOOM

Kobe Burger... what?

Yes. I am back. And for the lack of updates... I am sorry. You know when you just enjoy life so much, you don't realize how much time is passing and when you finally get a chance to sit down, breathe and catch up on things, you're like "WTF happened?" Yeah. Me.

I haven't really developed anything new during my busy summer, but I have been eating like no other! My brother and I were at Sprouts one day, and he decided to pick up a pack of Kobe Beef Patties. Want to see what he made?

Look at that. Just look at it. I wish I was still up to date on technology so I can have my own DSLR and compooper. Working in an office all day makes going home to be on the compooper again kind of hard. This is a primal dish, and since my brother was kind enough to share, I'll share what's in it!

• Bacon
• 2 x 1 lb Kobe beef patties
• Pepperjack cheese
• Provolone cheese
• Sauteed onions
• Loads of spices
• Fried egg

So simple! Yet so delicious!

I was out with a stomach flu so I was living off chicken noodle soup and crackers.

I hope to experiment with foods soon...

Until then... try that!!!

Overstuffed Bell Peppers

Hello there! I know it's been a while since either of us have posted. It's been a rather hectic start to Summer!

I've been craving that bell pepper that Nancy made for me a while back (posted on Instagram! Are you following us yet?) 

Since I've had that craving and was too lazy to really do the prep work (I know, shame on me), I developed a new recipe, which turned out to be pretty damn good. 

Ingredients:

• 1 lb of grass fed ground beef
• 4 red or green bell peppers, top cut off, seeds removed
• 3 or 4 zucchini, diced
• 8 slices of bacon
• 16 oz tomato sauce
• Cajun Seasoning
• 5 oz baby spinach
• 1 medium yellow or white onion, diced
• 4 cloves of garlic, minced
• 8 oz sliced champignon mushrooms
• 2 eggs, XL

Prep:

• Preheat oven to 350 degrees
• Pan fry the bacon until crispy - set on a paper towel to cool and drain excess oil
• While the bacon is cooking, season the ground beef with the Cajun seasoning, to taste - set aside
• Put some of that yummy bacon grease away, maybe keep 3-4 tablespoons worth left in the pan
• Pan fry onions and garlic, until it starts becoming translucent and add the zucchini and mushrooms
• Once the onions are translucent, scoop out as much as you can into a big bowl, leaving the excess liquid
• Brown the ground beef and break up into smaller chunks -- cook until medium rare to medium well (Baking will cook it some more, and re-heating too)
• Add the baby spinach with the ground beef
• While that's happening, chop up your bacon into 1" pieces and mix in the bowl with the veggies
• Upon completion, drain the excess liquid from the pan and mix the spinach/ground beef chunks with the veggie bowl
• Add yo tomato sauuuuce ... mix mix mix!
• Let cool for about 5 minutes -- get your baking dish or pan, line with foil or not, whatever. Use a little Kerrygold butter, coconut oil or extra virgin olive oil and spray bottom... add your bell peppers
• After you mix has cooled, crack your eggs on in and mix those bad boys
• Scoop and pack those peppers (*Please note: The peppers will end up crunchy, which I like. If you would like the pepper to be softer, boil in salted water for about 3 minutes, let cool before stuffing it with goodness*)
• Excess mix can go on top or surround the bell peppers
• Bake for 30 minutes 
• Faceplant and enjoy

 

My first attempt - no spinach, or mushrooms

 

Before

 

After

 

The Guts

 

My 2nd Attempt - contains EVERYTHING. So good.

Paleo Loco Moco, sans Gravy!

Look at it. Just look at it. SO good. Want the recipe? Let us know!

Stuffed Mushrooms & SoCal Regionals!

Stuffed Portobello Mushrooms

 

Ingredients:

•  1 lb of grass fed ground beef (Sprouts)
• 6 pack of portobello mushrooms (Trader Joe's)
• 1 bell pepper, pitted and chopped to dime size pieces
• 1 XL egg
• 1/4 teaspoon of sea salt
• 1/4 teaspoon - Paprika
• 1/4 teaspoon - Cayenne Pepper
• Pinch - Cinnamon
• 1/4 teaspoon - Ground black pepper
• 4 cloves of garlic, minced
• 1/4 teaspoon of coconut oil, melted
• Louisiana Fish Fry Cajun Seasoning, to taste* (This seasoning can also take place of all your spices, just add the cinnamon)

Prep:

• Preheat oven to 400 degrees
• Line baking sheet with foil and lightly coat with melted coconut oil
• Remove stems of mushrooms, chop and set aside
• Stem face down, bake for 7 minutes
• Stem face up, bake for another 7 minutes. Then set aside and let cool
• While that's cooking, heat coconut oil and saute bell pepper, mushroom stems and garlic on low heat
• Hand mix your spices into your meat
• Once the bell pepper, garlic and mushrooms softens, add meat and brown. Cut up into smaller chunks
• Drain of excess fat/liquid and remove from pan to cool
• Once the meat mixture is cooled, hand mix in the egg. Make sure it's cool enough so it won't cook the egg!
• Bring oven temperature to 350 degrees
• Using a spoon or you hands, scoop the meat mix onto the mushroom and pack that! Stack that! let it fall next to the shrooms!
• Bake for 5-10 minutes, remove from oven and add the Louisiana Fish Fry Cajun Seasoning
• Serve immediately. Serves 4-5.
• Faceplant

 

Yesterday, I went to Del Mar for So Cal Regionals. And I got this shirt from Life as Rx. Too. Legit.